So over the last couple of weeks I have had lots on my mind and as many of us know that suffer PTSD, the more you have on your plate to think about, the more anxious it will make you. (And we think about the most random and insignificant of scenarios / situations)
The more anxious you are, the harder it is to have the organisation skills to get things done and the less you get done the more anxious you get…then comes the vicious cycle that eventually will cause a flip out.
I promised the ‘Tie Dye Kid’ I would make Carbonara for dinner tonight, so I stopped in at the corner store on the way home to grab some parmesan cheese. I had purchased the bacon and mushrooms yesterday afternoon so I thought I was all over it. No issues yet- Winning!
When I got home I took my work gear off and replaced it with my comfy bright red Peter Alexander PJ Pants and some Uggs. My kids were quiet and content playing Uno, my Hubby was full of smiles, I was home to have dinner with the family, life was good.
I started to get all my ingredients together only to discover I was out of pasta. Knowing that I should have checked I had this pantry staple last night, with frustrated hands I grabbed my car keys and headed back to the corner store. I located the pasta, paid the 16 yr old kid (I had purchased the cheese from 20 minutes prior) and returned home, ready for the carbonara task ahead.
Again, I started to gather my ingredients, only to now realise that I had no cream. "Seriously?" I felt like I was on one of those ‘Punked' shows.
I grabbed those car keys, stormed out the door, set a land speed record, stormed into the shop, grabbed some cream and approached the counter slamming the cream down as if daring the kid to judge me. The 16 yr old kid, who I'm sure by this stage thought I was a bit ‘special’, was waiting with a smirk on his face. “Is that all now Miss?” He said. I gave him the look of death and paid him. I went home. I cooked dinner. It was yummy and we all ate it without the usual dinner time complaints!
The moral to this story is two things…
Firstly, learn to recognise when you need to take time to tend to yourself and slow your ‘stuff’ down. For me, one of the first things that start to fall apart for me before my world does is that my organisation skills become non existent- even for the most basic of tasks. Knowing and recognising this, I will take good care of myself over the next week and give myself the extra time and care I need. Before tonight, I thought I was doing ok- Obviously not.
Secondly, sometimes our wold can be difficult and tasks can overcome us, allowing the smallest of things to overwhelm our existence, but if we slow down and do things at the pace we need to, one thing at a time if need be and even if it is the most simple of tasks, we WILL achieve our goal. In this case, my Carbonara rocked!!!!