I used to wonder if he was the way he was because of the way I was feeling when I was pregnant with him and then the person I had grown into once he was born.
There was many-a-night I would cry myself to sleep wondering if I had a different job…one with less tension…one with less baggage…one that did not make me angry/sad/frustrated/paranoid and short tempered…one that allowed me not to be a total control freak and one that allowed me to be around during ‘normal mum hours’, would he be how he is. Let’s face it I will never know the answer to these questions.
I recall a psychologist saying to me when he was about 4 years old, “You need to teach him how to control his temper and aggression. It’s you role as a Mother.” It was a sentence that has stuck hard with me for the past 4 years, and one that puzzled me. How do I teach my child to control his temper and aggression when I can’t control my own??? How to I teach him to calm himself down when the smallest of things will send my anxiety into a downward spiral of the opposite to calm??? How do I help him learn this?
Since this time, I have learnt there there are medical causes for My Tie Dye Kid’s lack of focus, his anger, aggression, anxiety and impulsive traits. But I also believe some aspects of it have been allowed to flourish, as he has watched me dance with shadows throughout the years when he is meant to be learning ‘how to be nice’. Kids learn and mirror what they see, so when I loose my shit and scream like a banshee over nothing at all, he will think thats how you deal with that situation…and that’s not ok. Many of you know exactly what I am talking about right? (I will be doing another article on ‘The kids of the People Who Serve’ in the coming weeks.)
We have a toxic free home and have used an additive and preservative free diet along with natural medicines with our Tie Dye Kid, Mr C, for as long as I recall, so when I came across research* indicating Vetiver Essential Oil would offer support to his symptoms, I knew I needed to find some. So I did. I got the only Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade Vetiver essential oil - doTERRA.
We started to use the Vetiver oil given its deeply soothing qualities over anxiousness and its ability to sooth hyperactivity. We rubbed vetiver into his back with fractionated coconut oil, up and down his spine daily. Not only was I noticing it was soothing and supporting his symptoms, but it was calming my mind, and soothing my anxiousness. What the…?
We got ourself some more of what are affectionately called ‘snake oils’ in our house. The more Mr C and I used them, the more we loved them and the results we were both getting from them were changing our family environment for the better. I was amazed that by in trying to help my little man, it was also doing amazing things for my own emotional health, and the calmer I got, the calmer he got and the calmer he got the calmer I got…It was a little cycle. It reaffirmed to me that his anxiety did feed from mine, to what degree I wasn’t sure, but it was enough for me to know we both needed these in our lives on a daily basis.
I am often contacted via social media regarding what oils I use to support my Tie Dye Kid, so here are a few of the other oils he uses;
Balance (Grounding Blend) is placed in his palms every morning and he rubs them together and cups his hands taking three BIG breaths. As he breaths in he closes his eyes and says a positive affirmation to himself 3 times. On the mornings he can not think of his own affirmation, I have a Childs affirmation deck he can choose one from.
Lavender is calming for the mind. It is like a big aromatic hug when you need it and has amazing restful qualities to support sleep. Mr C uses this at night time, in his diffuser, as an aromatic anchor for sleep. I also rub it into the bottoms of his feet and big toe with some fractionated coconut oil.
Intune (Focus Blend) is worn daily on his wrists to support his focus and cognitive clarity throughout the day. We sometimes will put a little bit on his collar if he is particularly unsettled. It supports his focus when in the classroom and we find it decreases his fidgeting.
Please know that doTERRA essential oils are not the only thing we use with our Tie Dye Kid. He is no stranger to a psychologist or psychiatrists chair. He is kept very active, in a strict routine and he is tutored to support both his learning and self confidence. We have many cognitive therapy strategies in play and some days they work and some days they don’t. But one thing I can tell you is that he loves his oils and will come and ask for them when he knows he needs them.
Through helping Mr C, I have subconsciously allowed myself to stop and do some internal reflection. By helping him learn to control his emotions, I am learning to also control mine. If I never had Mr C, My Tie Dye Kid, I hate to think what I would have become of my emotional health. He is full on, but he is mine and I love and adore every part of his little soul.